i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
