So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
