Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
