I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Damn victory sex feels great
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
