This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
there is puke in my bra ... again
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
