Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
