Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
