So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
