Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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