all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
