I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
