my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
