i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
