He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
