You're my little dorito
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
