The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
