Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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