Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
