I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
