Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
