i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
