that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just found puke in my bra..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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