He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
