i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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