walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
