omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
