If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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