I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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