I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
