Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
