last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
