you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
