remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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