I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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