Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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