I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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