The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
