I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
