Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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