i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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