Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
