Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My ass is underappreciated
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
