what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
