I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
