He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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