We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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