So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
