If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
