I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
