before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
